This has always been my dream

By Kaniehtonkie.

Taking steps to heal is one process Michelle Smoke knows all too well. Smoke is a licensed mental health counselor who doesn’t back down from telling her story. She says everyone has their own story and they should be able to share their story – it’s all part of the healing process. Using her professional skills as a counselor, Smoke has taken her personal trauma and turned them into something positive – becoming a private mental health therapist.

Smoke prefers to call herself a resilience specialist.

Recently, Smoke shared her own personal story. Sharing one’s own story is called self-disclosure, and self-disclosure is frowned upon in a clinical setting. But she didn’t share her story in a clinical setting - Smoke shared her personal story on a personal page on social media. She was then terminated from her position for displaying ‘a professional lapse of judgement.’ According to Smoke, sharing your own story of domestic violence is seen as reaching a final stage of healing and recovery. It substantiates your personal trauma, the healing process, and it makes the story take on a valuable factor in helping others recover and begin to heal. From their shared experience, one finds a sisterhood. Being able to reach this stage is important.

Smoke is determined to move on to the next stage of her professional career – starting a private professional practice using her professional training and skills along with cultural knowledge and traditions – a wholistic approach based on the mind, body, and the spirit.

Smoke said, “It’s always been my dream to start a private practice, to help others. I recently finished my second master’s degree and received my licenses in 2021. I like to say ‘resilience specialist’ because we all have trauma; as Indigenous people we all experience intergenerational trauma at one time or another.”

She continued, “There are well established programs in Akwesasne, and I plan on collaborating with them.”

Smoke shared how at first, she had trouble talking about it – domestic violence, “I wasn’t prepared to talk about it. And that happens a lot with victims. We are not prepared to talk about it – we experience that trauma all over again. The final stage of healing is sharing what you’ve learned.”

Smoke says she took her entire experience as a learning situation, a part of her process of healing.

She went on to say, “I want to help the people in this community. Because we are such a small community, everyone knows everyone, and you want to know who you are working with. This is me. This is who I am. I identify myself as your ‘favorite resilience specialist’. I developed an intergenerational trauma model using my own personal life experience. Many families have been impacted from residential school and they brought back behaviors that don’t normally go with our culture and traditions. Now we are bringing back positive Indian parenting, having positive mindset “kanikonriio” and being grateful. Because of residential school mental illness, addictions, domestic violence, distrust became incorporated into our society. It all goes hand in hand. The foundation of our values changed – and unless we do something to change it, it will remain broken.”

Smoke added, “My intent to make a change. To make a positive change in our community. To bring awareness, you must have knowledge, these are important steps in the process of healing. There is a lot of healing that needs to be done in our community and it’s not always going to be done in a clinical setting. It’s going to be done through mind, body, and spiritual practices. These are components I will focus on.”

Smoke is currently working in setting up her practice, finding office space, setting up all the housekeeping chores of a licensed practitioner, such as having all the proper documents in place.

Lately, Smoke said she had to ask herself some tough questions, how do we make things right, how do I heal from this, how can I grow from this?

She seemed positive, uplifting and determined to move on, working on the goals she has set for herself and her community.

Looking back, when Smoke returned to work from her domestic violence medical leave, she said she was met with indifference and a lack of understanding.

“I wasn’t ready to tell my stories at that time. It takes a little while. Some people still hold their stories in. They’re still holding it in because they are afraid to tell someone. And they’re still suffering that pain. Still immersed in that pain.”

“Don’t be afraid to tell your story. I have no regrets on telling my story and will keep speaking up afterward. Keep healing.”

IT leaves you with this quote on the Art of Resiliency by Kawennake Michelle Smoke, “The art of resiliency is being able to come out of dark places with your fire still burning and shine so bright you inspire others to come out of the dark”