Letting Go

When it comes to being a mom you do tons of ‘letting go’. You have to let go so they can take those first steps. Let go of the bike seat so they can learn to ride without your help. Let go of their hand in the water when they are getting the hang of swimming. Let go when they go to their first sleepover. Sending them to their first day of school is a big one. You let them go off on their own. 

Tonight I am busy packing for Big Brother; he is headed on his first vacation without us. My mom is taking him for five days for a grandma and big brother only vacation. He’s super excited and doesn’t have a worry in the world about getting homesick or missing us. I feel differently. I mean I am excited to spend some one on one time with Little Brother, but I’ve never gone so long without seeing Big Brother. He’s spent a weekend at his tota girl’s and a weekend away in Burlington with my mom but nothing like this road trip. I know he’ll do fine and have lots of fun with grandma but I have just a little bit of a lump in my throat. It’s like a preview of the future. Your first born, who you can imagine as a little chubby baby no matter the circumstance or how old he is, suddenly off with a suitcase and a passport in hand. He’s a seasoned traveler who knows what he needs for the road. Some books, his iPod, toothbrush and his own cars and car mat. He’s seven! But he might as well be seventeen with his demeanor and calm attitude towards his vacation. He can basically pack himself but I insisted to fold his clothes up for him and make sure he had enough underwear. And of course an extra pair of shoes just in case.    

As I look at him so big and tall already, it’s hard to forget that he was the clinger. The child of mine who couldn’t let go, the one who hung on to my legs and cried through Head Start, pre-k and halfway through kindergarten. Tonight I did get a glimpse of Baby T again. When I had to go to the store he came with me and when I went to his aunties to borrow a movie he said, “I’m coming with you, ok? I’m spending as much time with you as I can before I go far away.” I know little brother will be sad when grandma comes by early tomorrow morning to pick up Big brother. He doesn’t understand that he’s still too little to go away that long. I know to him it will seem like Big Brother got picked and not him. He lasts about two hours before he asks for me and cries. He might be upset at first but I’m going to make sure he has lots of fun and I’m gong to let him play to his heart’s content in his brother’s room with ALL the ‘forbidden big toys’. 

Well, my big boy is all packed. Grandma said she’d be here at quarter to eight, that’s when it’s time for me to be proud of the once shy guy, who’s letting go.