Goodbye

By An Anonymous Mother

After spending a fun and crazy busy summer with Big Brother it was time for school shopping and start the bedtime routine. He was really easy to please and unlike his mother at five didn’t care if his clothes were “cool” or name brand. All he cared was about being left alone and not being forced to try on any clothes, “just buy them and bring them back later if they don’t fit me.” were his words every time I asked if he liked this outfit or did he want these socks. He didn’t know he can’t try on socks but his automatic answer was funny because I had to drag him to the mall and promise him two things to get any cooperation. One was a trip to the arcade and two was ice cream.

Sneakers were the only big deal to him. He had to have this flashy new skechers that he saw on TV that all the big kids were getting for school. Of course we had to search for them and found them all the way at an out of town mall. When it came time to pick out a book bag for school he didn’t want one. Big Brother insisted on using this slightly too small (Homework has to be folded to fit) book bag that he had for soccer but never used for school. He had this great argument set up where he pointed out how ‘that book bag was still brand new’ and ‘he likes the size of it” and my favourite being, “Mom, you know it isn’t good to always buy new everything, sometimes reusing is good for the earth.” I love that kid I don’t even know where he got the word reusing from. I let him win the debate and he has been proudly using his ‘newly used’ book bag since the start of school. He did let us buy him a lunch bag because he has to bring a snack everyday to school. So far he has never forgotten either bag and seems so old this year. I know I say that every year he starts a new school year but I mean he needs less reminders and there is no big fight to stay home.

The week before school started Big Brother had begun his how- many- sleeps countdown. And the last few nights he was going to bed earlier with no problem because he said the faster he fell asleep the faster the countdown would lose a sleep. I loved his enthusiasm, it made my job easier. Then the night before school he could not go to sleep. He tossed and turned. He was hungry and then he was thirsty. After awhile we thought he may be asleep but before we could go and sneak a peek at him, he came out of his room and announced he had to use the bathroom…Again. Each time he would come back out of his room he would try to be sneaky and distract us with questions like, “Hey, oh what are you watching? Looks good, so who is that guy? Hmm, maybe I should sit with you and watch the rest.” Finally he fell asleep almost three hours past his 8 PM bedtime. I went to bed worried that he wouldn’t be a happy camper. Imagine my surprise when he woke me up in the middle of the night. My thoughts raced to conclusions; he had a nightmare, got cold, or was too scared to sleep alone in his room. He woke me up in the middle of the night because he thought it was time to get ready to school. He wanted to get dressed and go to the bus stop. I told him he still had about four hours of sleep left before his alarm would even go off but he shrugged and insisted on just staying up and waiting until it was time to go. After making him a snack and sitting in the rocking chair with him he fell back asleep. But before he did we talked for a good half hour about his new big kid school and what he hoped would be there. When I felt the full weight of his head on my arm and knew he was out I carried him back to his bed.

Morning came and Big Brother insisted on being left alone to do his own thing. He said he could do it, just be ready to drive him to the bus stop. He picked out his clothes and got dressed. Put juice and snacks in his lunch bag. He put his book bag and lunch bag by the door while he put his shoes on. He asked me to pin his teacher’s name and bus on his shirt. Then before he left he hugged his dad and bounced out the front door. As we waited at the bus stop he was very quiet in the back seat. I asked him if he was worried or scared about being at a new school. He told me, “No, I’m just excited.” I then asked him why was he so quiet and his answer was, “I’m just thinking…And I’m looking for my bus.”

When the bus pulled up he was up and out of the truck so fast I didn’t even get a hug. I stood there with a little lump in my throat thinking about how far he has come. He used to cling to me almost every day before school. I was the parent who had to sneak out on my kid from headstart to kindergarten. Halfway through the school year he’d get over it but first days were always the heartbreaker. Big Brother was halfway to the bus when he stopped and came back. I thought, “Oh no, here we go.” he ran back to me and just hugged me really fast and then ran back towards the bus. He yelled, “Love you and have a good day mom” over his shoulder as he joined all the children lining up to board the big kid bus. I got back in my car and swallowed that lump. As I pulled away I saw his little face in the bus window. He was waving with a big smile on his face. The lump came back and I felt my eyes well up. I wasn’t sad I was so glad that he was happy and not afraid. That boy made me so proud how brave he was. A new bus, a new school, and now he had to make all new friends. I just thought, ‘Hello first Grader and Goodbye little boy…Goodbye.’