The Split

Big Brother is growing up so fast. He has his own interests like meeting up with his friends at lacrosse practice and going for bike rides. He makes his own plans for the weekends. For example, when Friday rolls around he is asking if Tota girl is done work, if grandma is, and can he go visit his cousins. Starting about Wednesday he will begin to think of where he wants to go. Telling him that people have their own plans and that when we just show up to visit he may not be able to stay or that they possibly will not even be home makes Big Brother irritated with me. He’ll give me attitude and talk back because somehow he thinks it’s my fault. He wants go see someone and then quickly asks, “Is the baby coming too?”

Last week Big Brother was very busy. He went to grandma’s for a few hours on Tuesday night to visit and “get a break” as he calls it from his little brother. The next day he had lacrosse practice. Thursday he went and visited at grandma’s all by himself again. He didn’t even want me to walk him in. I had to argue with him that I had to ask her if he could stay, he can’t just decide what her plans for the night are without talking about it first. After a few minutes he let me walk in first to ask if he could visit and then I had to go back outside and inform him that he indeed could stay for two hours. Fridays are grocery days. I take the kids and we go get Big Brother’s snacks for school and our food for the week. This time was different. He refused to go with Little Brother and I. Claiming that he didn’t want to be stuck walking around the grocery store with us. He told me that I knew what to buy so why did he have to go? Then he just about cried to go to Grandma’s instead of the store with me. I reluctantly drove him over to my mother’s on my way to Massena. I didn’t want her to think I was just dumping him off. I felt like I was, I usually only get a sitter maybe once and month and it’s for only one kid. I prefer to keep both kids with me but I went and asked her if Big Brother could hang out with her instead of being dragged to the grocery store against his will. When I asked Big Brother why he wanted to go over so much lately he told me that Little Brother bugs him. He really bugs him a lot. He can’t talk to me without a baby shrieking. He can’t play cars without having to share and chase Little Brother around for his favourite one back. He can’t watch TV without the TV being turned off or the baby standing in his way. He needs a break so he wants to go to grandma’s because it’s quiet over there and nobody bugs him.

The last month I have also seen a change in how Big Brother gets ready for school pretty fast. I don’t have to ask him twenty times to brush his teeth. He does it the first time I ask. A nice surprise considering Big Brother has been trying to lay the same old guilt trip on me since Little Brother came around. He used to say, “He gets to stay home all day and play, I want to.” or “He has fun with you all day and he doesn’t have to go to school.” I would always have to make Big Brother feel better by saying, “ Well you can stay home if you mop the floors, do the laundry for me, and do the dishes.” and “Little Brother doesn’t play all day he mostly just cries, if you stay home you could hold him all day ok? or you could go to school and see your friends” He would quickly change his tune and be glad to go to school and be away from all those chores and crying.

Big Brother and Little Brother do have their precious moments where they play together and laugh. Those are the times that I see how protective Big Brother is over Little Brother. Helping him up and teaching him hiding spots. Picking up a dropped sippy cup in the back seat when I am driving and singing Little Brother to sleep. Tickling the baby when he throws a fit. Sometimes I catch them sitting together in the same lazy boy watching a show out of the blue together, usually right after they just had a big fight over the most special hot wheels car in the house.

I’m trying to respect that Big Brother is coming into his own and wants to do things differently. That he wants space from his brother. I have to remember that it’s good for him to be with other people than just his mother. It’s a hard pill to swallow. This is my first baby, the one who never went for an overnight sleep over until he was one. The only reason that even ever happened was because my husband made plans without my knowledge and then forced me to leave the baby behind. I was so mad at him and cried the whole drive home. Little Brother is a crazy, rough, fearless, yelling, climbing, jumping baby. I think he’ll stay with me awhile longer I’m almost afraid to leave him with a sitter. At least I won’t be worried that he’s climbing some railing somewhere trying to jump off. You almost have to have your hand on that baby the entire day, otherwise he finds a way to be dangerous.

For now I’m going to let Big Brother make his plans. He has his whole life to be a Big Brother and Little Brother seems like he isn’t bothered by the split.