As I…

As I get on the floor to scrape stickers off the linoleum I think about the day that Big Brother told me he was making the floor look more beautiful because it was boring. I couldn’t scold him; he was sincerely trying to do some house decorating. But as I give up and leave the stickers right where they are I swear to myself that the next person to buy that kid stickers and send him home with them is not my friend anymore. (Something Big Brother would say.) This is my fourth failed attempt to patiently get the stickers off.

As I pick up the books off Big Brother’s bedroom floor I know that it was us who just pushed them off the bed onto the floor. We got so tired that we just couldn’t put them away on the shelf that is a mere foot away. We had to argue over who was getting up to shut the light off because we were falling asleep reading. Cuddling with my 4year old is a rare treat for me. He never lets me hold him and I have to steal kisses and hugs with him while he rolls his eyes or lets out an irritated groan.

As I hurt my foot on one of Big Brother’s Hot Wheels cars I have to hold my breath not to scream because Little Brother is taking a nap. I have to tell myself to be grateful for those injury-inducing metal toys because if Big Brother wasn’t occupied with parking those cars last night we would have never ate dinner. I had been given just enough time cook and get the table set.

As I sweep up dirt and mud from the doorway for the second time today. I am reminded by looking over at those mud covered bejut boots that Big Brother is a big kid now and can play by himself. And then I laugh about the day that I had to save him when he stood in mud over a foot deep crying at the top of his lungs for me to save him and that he wanted to move back to his cement yard. Only having one pair of good shoes left I made the poor stuck kid wait while I rearranged pallets and 2 X4’s so I could save him while at the same time saving my shoes.

As I triple wrap Little Brother’s stinky diaper with those scented diaper bags I want to pat who ever invented these things on the back. Good Job! I found it a lot of work to take out the garbage as soon as he pooped because I couldn’t stand the smell. Now I can’t even tell. (But if you come over let me know if you smell something because maybe I’m used to it.)

As I sort though the boys’ clothes again to take out what they have outgrown and what is seasonal I find it hard to believe how much and how fast they grow. Little Brother has two bins filled already and Big Brother thinks he can still fit those too tight Spongebob shorts. I can only imagine the day Little Brother can fit them. Oh what a day tit will be, I’m sure Big Brother will be furious. Maybe I should find a replacement pair of the exact same thing to avoid that.

As I put Little Brother in his bouncer chair so I can cook I find myself reminiscing about when Big Brother was small. He liked to be carried all day. He never liked his swing or bouncer. It wasn’t until that exersaucer-jolly jumper age that I got the chance to put him down and felt I could get stuff done. He liked the baby carrier so as long as I didn’t have to cook I could walk around hands free. But here sitting in front of me, Little Brother is content to be put down while awake no less. He likes to bat at his toys hanging off it. I am even so lucky that Little Brother will go in his swing when he gets bored with that so I can continue on whatever chore I am trying to do.

As I sit here in a quiet house I am proud that I put Little Brother to sleep with no pacifier tonight. I threw them all out. I made it through the day so I think it’s over, he doesn’t’ need it anymore. He was so dependent on them for sleep, and honestly it seemed like I was getting dependent on them too. I am also proud that I put both kids to sleep at the same time while reading books. Books I will have to pick up in the morning because Big Brother and I just pushed them off his bed to the floor.

As I write this I am grateful that I will have to do this all again tomorrow because I honestly do not know what I would do with myself without all the little things set out before me as a Mother. I truly have found my calling and my place. Well it’s late, time for me to go lay with those boys and listen to their sounds, smell their smells, and feel their warmth on each side of me as they snuggle into me in their sleep.