Hiding

Since Baby T’s demeanor has changed things have been seemingly too good to be true. I never envisioned myself as one of those parents that could walk through the mall with a smiling toddler who listened to his mommy and who didn’t run away. Not me… I’m the mom who drags her little boy out of a store while he pierces strangers’ ears with his bloodcurdling screams, attracting scowling eyes and judgmental grimaces.

But like I said last week Baby T has been so cooperative and polite. Shopping with him has turned into actual shopping not a full out sprinting match. It had always been the kind of race where mommy’s always finish second. The last few times I have taken Baby T out shopping have been great, and I have gotten used to browsing. Not running straight through the mall to spend a whole hour in the arcade but actually taking my time with Baby T either seated in his stroller or pushing it quietly behind me. I give him the option to sit in it and take a break from walking or push it. And if he does grow tired of either he can walk a little ahead of me as long as he stays where I can see him. That new rule has really given him what he believes to be freedom and gives me pride being able to trust him. So there we were in JCPenny. I was just buying shoes and then that was it, we were leaving for home. I was checking out with Baby T in his stroller next to me. He was telling me how tired he was and I was telling him that this was it, we were going.

I turn to the counter and grab my bag. Then I give Baby T’s stroller a push to go and it feels unusually light. He’s gone! Where is he? I have his shoes in my hand because we were both trying on shoes and he said he was too tired, that he didn’t want to wear them and sat in his stroller. So I just leave all my stuff on the floor where I am and run in every direction yelling out his name and trying to hold back the tears. I think it was thirty seconds when I saw a worker and asked them to help me. They rush to the PA system and announce: “Attention all associates. There is a little boy lost in the store with a brown gap sweater and no shoes.” Then they said his name over the speaker, while I am still running around in circles. I can feel the tears running down my face now as my mind races a hundred miles per hour. ‘Ok, he’s on the child find database, security cameras could distinguish him out of a crowd because he has no shoes on. And oh my god he’s not wearing shoes.’ Then I hear another announcement over the PA system. ‘Baby T (his real name) is in the children’s clothing section hiding in a clothes rack.’

I run full speed over to where he is, crying out his name, when I see him right at the desk I had cashed out at. He looks very confused but not scared as he stands with the cashier. He tilts his head and says, “Mommy, where’s my two cars? (I had bought him two cars earlier) and Mommy…Where’s stroller?” I just grab him up and bawl. I squeeze him so tight and just cry. Relief overwhelms me. So he was lost for about two minutes but it felt like an hour to me. I was panicking and fear had taken over.

He asks me, “Mommy why are you crying? Where’s stroller?” I tell him “I left it where I was and went to look for you. I was very scared baby that’s why I’m crying. I thought I lost you” He smiles and responds, “But I could see you mommy, and I could hear you. I was behind you waffin (laughing) You couldn’t find me!” So I remind him about the you- have- to- stay- where- I- can -see -you rule. Then he argues his point that he could see me so why am I crying. And I tell him “No, where mommy can see you not the other way around.”

He falls asleep on the ride home and I immediately call his dad to tell him about Baby T’s new hiding spot. So when Baby T wakes up from his nap his dad is home and asks him about what happened. And Baby T just laughs, tells him all about his awesome spot and how he could see me. So he again is reminded of how it’s the other way around but I think Baby T believes he was right. So no more shopping trips for a while. It’s not that I think he was being bad. I’m too scared to lose him again so until I get over my worry and hopefully Baby T remembers which way the rule goes we’re going to be home a lot.

Ironically, I vividly remember hiding from my own parents in clothing racks while they frantically searched for me… and yes I thought it was hysterical like Baby T did. So once again I have experienced a situation my parents have already lived through with me and told me about. So when I tell them that night about their grandchild they laugh. And then laugh even louder. Because there is nothing a three-year-old likes more than hiding.